I Was Here First
An angry man, scaling the cliffs of coherence and only rarely reaching the top.

I Scream, Kony

Everyone on the internet has, by now, seen that fucking Invisible Children documentary about Joseph Kony. If you haven’t, it’s here:


Go watch it. Go become aware of Joseph Kony. Know what he’s all about, learn of the atrocities and terrible things he has done and realise that the man is an absolute, shit-eating bastard and should be buggered by wolves wearing porcupine husks as condoms. Then go do a bit more research about the man and about who made the video and what they’re about.

That fucking video (and it shall remain “that fucking video” until the end of time) was made by a charity called Invisible Children. They have some questionable beliefs about this whole Joseph Kony business, but I’m not going to bore you by going into them. Instead, I’d rather you went off and did some research right after I bore you with something else.

The fucking video has caused an odd reaction around the social media watercoolers. First came an incredible, overnight surge in interest as that fucking video went more viral than a Splott girl’s week-old underoos. After that considerable outpouring of interest toward the fucking video came the backlash where some people smelt something fishy and said so, many of them in a fairly dickish way (me among them). Then came the backlash-backlash; the animosity aimed at those people debating the validity of the internet’s most recent cause, claiming that the people who questioned the cause were cynical assholes trying to tear down the cause.

Oh fuck off.

It’s not cynical to expect people to do a modicum of goddamn research into a cause before getting down on their knees and giving a good, ol’ fashioned tongue-bath to its balls. Questioning the agenda of a manipulative documentary isn’t the same as trying to “tear down the cause”. It isn’t the slightest bit unreasonable to respond with frustration when half the internet suddenly latches onto a piece of propaganda put out by a source they would know is suspect if they took the time to back up their fake fucking conviction with a modicum of fact.

So you can sit in your computer chair, re-post that fucking video and jack yourself off with your “World’s Most Charitable Person” handkerchief all you like. But don’t be surprised when people point out that maybe you aren’t helping anything and that maybe, by lumpen-headedly leaping at the first cause that someone manages to dress up with fancy words and pictures, you’re actually hurting people. Sometimes, doing nothing is infinitely preferable to doing something wrong.

Nobody thinks stopping Joseph Kony is a bad thing, but stopping him in a way that, and I’m going to say this next part through a microphone incase you aren’t listening, ENDS UP POTENTIALLY KILLING CHILDREN IS A VERY FUCKING BAD THING. Forgive me if I’m getting a little irate because of this, but seriously, the “I saw a video on the internet and now I believe it 100% because the video told me to” mentality is the reason Barack Obama had to whip out his birth certificate to shut these goddamn idiots up.

Sometimes, supporting a good cause in a way that does nothing is worse than doing nothing at all. If everyone became aware of a problem but did nothing to fix it, that shit would not get fixed. So if the Kony2012 video has made you want to help someone out in Uganda, go donate some money to UNICEF. Then by all means go shoot a load into your handkerchief. You’ll have actually earned it. 

Why do you people make me want to hurt you so bad?


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